


snow white and the subliminal messaging

by qynntessence



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Agent Carter tie-in, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-02
Updated: 2015-04-02
Packaged: 2018-03-20 21:25:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3665643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qynntessence/pseuds/qynntessence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natasha and the Avengers watch Snow White. Natasha's brainwashing returns as she sees the film that was used to teach her English.</p>
            </blockquote>





	snow white and the subliminal messaging

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off the concept from Agent Carter where the Red Room girls learned English from Snow White, which also contained some subliminal messaging. If you haven't seen Agent Carter, it's still pretty easy to understand.
> 
> TW: unsexual nudity, vomiting, brainwashing, panic attacks, light swearing

“According to Tony, tonight is Disney Classics Night. We’re piling onto the communal floor, binging on junk food, and apparently watching really old animation. You in?” Bucky’s casual demeanor still surprises Natasha- she almost expects him to be in full tactical gear 24/7, the way she remembered from her training- but she nods.

“Yeah, of course. Breakfast?” Natasha cracks another egg into the skillet and pushes her red hair away from her eyes. The pan sizzles.

“Nah- Steve’s making some upstairs. You’re welcome to join.” Bucky knows that Natasha likes her space- that is why she has a floor to herself- but he always makes a point to invite her over.

“Thanks, but I need the quiet this morning. Might come up later, though.” Bucky presses a kiss to her forehead, his hand curling around the back of her neck. His rough fingers tangle in her hair and her lips turn slightly upwards.

“See you later, darling.” Bucky emphasizes his accent to make her eyes light up.

“ **Get out of here, Brooklyn.** ” She says in perfect Russian.

“ **Whatever, Moscow.** ” He mumbles the words against her lips and takes his leave, long fingers pulling out of the ends of her hair.

\--

At 6 o’clock, everyone has piled into the communal living room. Natasha’s red hair falls over Steve’s lap, who’s hand rests in Bucky’s. Clint is at her feet with Tony leaning against him, Thor’s head leaning against Bucky’s knees. Bruce is making hot chocolate in the kitchen as Pepper lounges in a chair nearby. Sam and Rhodey are leaning against Jane and Darcy’s chair, talking amicably about the ethics of using Iron Man as a national weapon when Maria strolls through the door.

“Nick’s overloaded with work tonight.” She says as explanation, sitting down on the other side of Clint. “What are we watching?”

“Stark won’t tell us- some big secret. Supposedly Bucky and Steve have already seen it.” Clint says softly as the lights go down. Bruce brings over steaming mugs and sits down next to Steve, his hand tangling in Natasha’s hair. The Disney logo begins to spread over the screen and Steve bounces a bit, excited. Natasha smiles up at him, sleepy eyes turning towards the television. She usually falls asleep during movie nights, relaxing into one of her partners and sleeping through the night.

As the title begins to spread out over the screen, proclaiming that the secret movie is Snow White, the room quiets, all eyes turned to the screen.

“Slave in the magic mirror, come from the farthest space.” As the Evil Queen begins to summon the Magic Mirror, Natasha shoots upward, her spine straightening.

“Natasha, what the hell-” Bruce starts to question as her hair is yanked out of his fingers and her hot chocolate spilled over Steve’s legs. Natasha’s eyes are glazed over, staring hard at the television as she continues to mimic the words.

“Through wind and dust I summon thee, speak, let me see thy face.” Natasha repeats the words in a dull, uninterested tone, her body impossibly still.

“What wouldst thou know, my queen?” The words sound eerie coming from Natasha, her voice hollow and devoid of meaning. Tony quickly turns off the television, but Natasha continues, her voice filling the silence.

“Magic mirror on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?” Natasha’s eyes have gone cold, her body unmovable. Tony looks around, nervous.

“Anyone else suddenly feel the need to recite every word of the movie? No?” Clint glares at him as he approaches Natasha softly.

“Nat? Hey, Nat, it’s Clint. What’s going on?” Clint might have felt better if she punched him- she didn’t seem to even recognize his presence, just continued to stare into the blank television and speak lines from a movie that was no longer playing.

Bucky sighs.

“It’s Red Room training. They learned English from Disney movies. I remember hearing about it- fuck, I remember _developing_ some of it. She’s not going to stop until the movie’s over. After that, I’m not sure what will happen.” He looks at her nervously, trying to find any semblance of the person he knows. “She might snap out of it, she might have a panic attack, she might try to kill us all. It’s hard to say.”

“I like the first option.”

\--

In the end, it is Bucky who sits with Natasha as she stares into the distance and relives Snow White. He has seen this before, when he used train operatives in the Red Room. _Fuck_ , he’s seen Natasha like this, when he became her trainer.

“If you let me stay, I’ll keep house for you. I’ll wash and sew and sweep and cook.” Natasha begins to shake at this line, her body trembling ever so slightly. Her hands are shaking the worst, and their tight grip on the couch indicates that she knows what is happening and hates it. 

Bucky is confused until he remembers the subliminal messages. This was where they had started, at least when Natasha was around- they were experimenting, trying to see what would work and what wouldn’t. He feels sick as he remembers that this particular idea was his.

“Instill fear.” Natasha whispers, her eyes dilating slightly, but then she returns to mumbling the lines.

\--

“Some day when my dreams come true.” As Natasha sings the last line of the movie, Bucky heaves a sigh of relief. Even though they don’t know what’s coming, he figures it can’t be worse than an ex-Russian brainwashed assassin reciting children’s movies.

“ **J-James?** ” The redhead asks softly in Russian, her eyes filled with fear as she leans against the couch. “ **What the fuck is going on?** ” One hand reaches for her temple as the other wraps around her stomach.

“ **Hey. How are you feeling?** ” Bucky’s Russian is perfect as he kneels down next to her, taking care not to touch her skin unless she gives permission. 

“ **Like shit.** ” Her face turns a peculiar shade of green and Bucky grabs a trashcan, holding her hair back as she empties her stomach. “ **What the fuck happened?** ”

“ **Snow White came on. Do you remember watching Snow White in the Red Room?** ” He asks softly, his eyes looking kindly at hers.

“ **Yes. I know all the songs.** ”

“ **You were brainwashed. We were watching Snow White, but then your training kicked in.** ”

“ **…Did I hurt anyone.** ” It wasn’t a question, more of a bracing for a list of casualties. 

“ **No. You scared us all a bit, but that’s only because we care about you.** ” Bucky glances over her, notices that she’s still grabbing her stomach, that she’s bringing her head to her knees.

“Is there anything I can get you?” He ventures a question in English, hoping that his language change would help her do the same. 

She throws up again, tears reaching the corners of her eyes, and he holds her hair back again, whispering soothing words in Russian.

\--

“Has this happened before?” Tony is pacing around, trying to hide his fear and guilt at inducing this by talking a mile a minute.

“Not that I know of. She’s never mentioned it, either.” Clint is sitting in the corner of Natasha’s bed, his head in his hands. Bruce has a gentle hand on his back, but he, too, looks shaky. 

“It’s not in any of her files either.” Maria looks up from her phone with a worried expression. “I’ll call Nick, see if he knows anything about it.” She runs a hand through her brown hair, messing it up even more.

Thor is standing in the kitchen, trying to find milk and eggs. “Lady Natasha has often told me that chocolate cake makes her feel better. Would anyone care to assist me in this task?” Steve comes over and pulls the milk and eggs out of the fridge, talking quietly with Thor on the best way to make the cake. Jane and Darcy have been going through her dresser, trying to find more comfortable clothes than the tight jeans and jacket she had been wearing.

“Bringing her back the last time she snapped was hell. She killed three people and shot me through the shoulder.” He fell backwards against the bed, exasperated.

“We’re going to make sure she’s okay.” Steve says quietly from the kitchen, a mixing bowl in his hands. “Bucky’s good with this.”

\--

“Nick?” Maria knows how important this project is; she wouldn’t call unless it was urgent.

“What’s going on, Hill?”

“It’s Natasha. Do you remember anything in her files about Snow White?” He swears quietly.

“No. But there’s an old SSR report by Carter about it- they used Snow White and other animated movies to teach all the girls English and as brainwashing. What the hell happened?”

“Stark wanted to watch Snow White.”

“Shit. I’ll be there in an hour.”

“Nick, you don’t need to come to New York- I’m sure we can handle it. If something goes wrong, I’ll call.”

“I’m not coming on SHIELD business.”

\--

“Can I have some water?” Natasha sounds scared as she looks up at Bucky, her stomach heaving from her last episode of throwing up. 

“Of course.” He’s glad that she’s back to speaking English, but the absolute fear in her eyes won’t disappear. He brings back a glass and her hands shake as she drinks.

“Is there anything else?” As he speaks, his cell phone buzzes in his pocket. 

_J & D have comfy clothes- they left them outside. Anything else she needs? –S_

“Nat? Jane and Darcy- some of your friends- have left some comfortable clothes outside for you. Do you want to change into them?” Natasha nodded quietly, putting her glass of water down and pulling her shirt over her head. Bucky opens the door and grabs the t-shirt and sweatpants, a small pile of notes on top of the fabric. 

_Got the clothes and notes- I don’t think we need anything else. She’s scared of everything rn- I might need Clint in here later. Love you –B_

“James?” Natasha says nervously, biting her lip. She’s stripped down to her bra and underwear, fiddling quietly with her bra strap.

“I’ve got the clothes, darling.” He risks the pet name, hoping that it would help her feel safer. “Can I take this off? I want you to be comfortable.” She nods and turns around, pulling her hair around to her front. Bucky’s nimble fingers come around the hook, gently pulling it apart and navigating the straps around her elbows. He pulls the t-shirt over her head and hands her the sweatpants.

“How are you feeling?” As she turns around, he brushes a strand of auburn hair away from her eyes.

“Better. I hate this.” She mumbles into her hair, green eyes looking down at her socks.

“I know, darling. Everyone is here for you.” Bucky opens his arms, not expecting her to walk into them and nuzzle her head into his neck. He holds her against his chest, hands knotting in her hair. 

“It’s okay. You’re not part of them anymore. That’s why you feel bad about this- its proof that you’re no longer that person.” Bucky’s soft mumbling quells her trembling, and he pulls her gently onto the couch. 

“Do you want to sleep?” He asks softly, but she shakes her head. “Okay. What do you want to do, Natasha?” He has learned how to ground her, how to make sure she remembers who she is- use her name often, remind her where she is, let her choose what to do.

“Can we watch another movie? With everyone else?” She is still shaking softly, but he smiles.

“Of course. I’ll call Steve and they can set everything up. Do you want some time alone before?” She nods, hands twirling the hem of her shirt. 

“Okay. I’ll head up to your floor- that’s where everyone is right now- and I’ll see you in ten minutes. Do you want everyone there at first, or do you want us to come in slowly?”

“Slowly.”

“Okay. I’ll be upstairs if you need me.” He leaves the pile of notes on the table and takes the stairs to Natasha’s floor.

\--

Nick Fury shows up outside Avengers Tower within a half hour, walking in briskly and taking the elevator to Natasha’s floor, phone to his ear the entire time. Maria meets him in the foyer and sighs. “She’s doing better. We’re gonna stay up here with her tonight.” He nods.

“I’ll be here.” The rest of the Avengers slowly file in, all with various expressions of nervousness and sympathy painted on their faces.

“She’s doing better. She’s nauseous and shaky, but she needs to be around people. She’s gonna come up here in about five minutes, and we’re not going to crowd her- just come in slowly. Nick and I will be here at first.” Everyone nods at Bucky’s words. Nick pulls him aside.

“How bad?”

“She’s visibly nervous, throwing up, and not talking about it. So, really bad.”

\--

After ten minutes of deep breaths and shaking, Natasha maneuvers herself into the elevator. She hates this, hates feeling weak, and hates that she is still a part of the Red Room. As much as she knows that the rest of her team will still trust her, she knows she doesn’t deserve it.

_If I can be taken down by a Disney movie, what else have they put in my brain?_

She feels nauseous again and swallows hard. The doors open and there is Nick, eyes kind and posture open. Without hesitation, she walks into him and takes another deep breath, trying to convince herself that if the head of SHIELD could trust her, then she was worth trusting.

“Still nauseous?” Bucky is behind him, offering a hand to lead her to the couch. She nods, and he brings over a plate of crackers. “Natasha. We know you’re not talking to us about this. You don’t have to, and we won’t make you. But you know that you need to talk, and we are all here to listen.” He sits down on the couch and she lays her head on his lap, letting him run hands through her hair. 

“Natasha?” Steve comes in quietly, kneeling next to her. “How are you feeling, darling?” She shrugs, which makes her stomach churn more. God, why was she so nauseous? She didn’t usually feel this bad.

“Are you nauseous, love?” Steve had learned how to make her comfortable, with nicknames and food and physical grounding. She nods, which adds to her nausea. Steve puts a hand on her cheek, and she flinches away from the touch, startled.

“I’m sorry. I’m going to go get some peppermints, okay?” He smiles down at her and disappears into the kitchen. She feels her stomach shift and turns over, vomiting into the trash can that Bucky had conveniently placed near her head. He runs hands through her hair as she empties her stomach again, collapsing back against him after a few minutes.

“Natasha, I have your toothbrush, uh, if you want it.” Tony stands awkwardly in the doorway, holding an electric toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste. Bucky gently leads her upwards, taking care to not jostle her stomach. 

“Do you want to go with Tony to brush your teeth, darling?” Bucky lets go of her waist and she stumbles a bit, but walks towards Tony. He smiles at her as she comes closer.

“Hey. How’re you feeling?” He is trying to be soft, trying to be comforting, and Natasha laughs lightly. A real smile appears on his face. “Yeah, I’m not that good at the comforting thing. I’m good at the guilt and the fixing. I am sorry, by the way, since it was my movie choice and all that.”

Natasha coughs as they walk into her bathroom. “It’s okay, Tony. You didn’t know. Thank you.” They both know that she’s not talking about the toothbrush.

\--

Natasha returns to the living room and lies back on the couch, her head on Bucky’s lap. Steve slips in behind her, rubbing gentle circles on her stomach. Thor comes in as quietly as he can manage. “Lady Natasha, Steve has informed me that you are having stomach pains. You should know that we have made chocolate cake for you, which is currently residing in your fridge for when you feel better.” Natasha can’t stop the smile that spreads across her face.

“Thank you, Thor.” He smiles back at her and sits in the chair across from her couch. Her living room was sparse- only the couch and one chair- so Steve had brought up the chairs from his apartment to fill the space.

Bruce arrives next with some sort of gel in his hands. “It’s smart putty- it helps keep your hands busy. I thought you might want some.” She smiles sheepishly and takes the putty, disliking the idleness of her hands. 

Jane, Darcy, and Pepper come in next, bearing blankets and soft pillows and hair ties. Maria simply presses a kiss to her forehead and told her that nobody thought any less of her. Nick sits next to Bucky’s dangling legs, typing furiously but giving her sympathetic glances every few minutes. Tony sits in another chair that Steve brought in, typing on his tablet. After about ten minutes, he shows Natasha what he was working on- a new extension for JARVIS, where any one of them could add in anything they didn’t want to see, so that it would not be played in the house. 

Clint comes in last, emanating anxiety, and Natasha’s eyes are kind as she looks at him.

“How are you feeling?” His eyes are open and kind and Natasha almost wants to cry.

“Sucky, but better. How are you holding up?”

“Don’t worry about me. I’m just glad you’re okay.” Clint kisses her softly on the forehead, feeling her relax, and then sits on the other side of Bucky’s legs. 

\--

Natasha doesn’t sleep that night. She lies in bed and stares at the ceiling, hating that she could so easily revert back to the person that she was. She turns over and finally breaks completely, screaming with all of her power into the pillows. Tears rush down her face, washing away the mask of the scared little girl. She knew that persona would be the easiest for everyone else to take care of, and was therefore the one she chose to become.

This, this was Natasha, in her entirety. A crying, screaming mess at 2am. Not the small, nervous child from before, not the stoic character of the day.

She was only a mess, a mess of Russian brainwashing and HYDRA missions that were supposed to be SHIELD missions and people who were too good for her. She feels her stomach churning again and she hurls into the trash can, her stomach contracting again and again. Collapsing onto the bed, she curls into a ball and screams again.

It’s 5am when Natasha pulls herself out of bed, covered in sweat and tears and a small amount of blood that she didn’t want to talk about. She forces herself into the shower, trying to control the gasps that had become breathing.

\--

Clint finds his best friend in the gym at 6am, kicking the shit out of a punching bag. He’s always loved watching her- the grace and power she puts into each move with ease. This morning, however, she’s not graceful or doing things easily; she’s angry and shaking and clearly trying not to think. She watches as she punches hard and fast- nothing like the way she acted in the field. Her arms are shaking as she punches again, and he notices the tears running down her face.

“Natasha.” He says softly, standing in front of the punching bag. “This isn’t going to help. You told me you were fine yesterday. What’s going on?” She shoves him out of the way and continues her rhythmic punching. Clint sighs and walks out of the room.

“Nick? You might want to come down to the gym.”

\--

“Romanoff.” Not even the hard voice breaks Natasha out of her trance, and she continues to punch her third sandbag. She kicks twice and turns, switching to the other side to avoid the man standing in front of her.

“Romanoff, we both know that the person I saw yesterday wasn’t you.” His voice is calm. “I know you’re angry. You’re never like this, pure power with no finesse behind it. Let’s talk.” He sits down on the gym floor, leaning against the off-white walls.

“I’m still a part of them.” She says it quietly, in the middle of a loud hit to the sandbag. “They still have some part of me and I can’t get it back.” She jumps upwards and kicks the bag as she turns, landing a foot away from Nick.

“You’re not a part of them. If they had any control over you, you would have left when SHIELD fell. You wouldn’t be here, helping me rebuild. Think about it.” She kicked again. “If they had control of you, you wouldn’t have come to SHIELD. If they wanted to find out information about the organization, you would have left earlier- unless you didn’t want to blow your cover. When SHIELD fell, you would have left, because your cover was blown anyway. There’s no reason for you to still be here unless you want to. They might still have an impact on you, but you are not theirs. You are yours and yours alone.” Nick’s speech was punctuated by a series of punches.

“Clearly they still have something on me. If that’s still there, what else is?” Natasha’s voice breaks, but she just glares harder at the punching bag. “You shouldn’t trust me, Nick.”

“Well I do. And you know how many people I trust.”

“Clearly, too many.” A hole appeared in the sandbag and she sighed, moving a few feet over.

“I don’t think so. Natasha, even if they buried other things in your brain, you’re still you. You’re still Natasha Romanoff, you’re still a SHIELD agent and an Avenger and all the other important things. You’re not theirs, and you haven’t been for a long time.”

\--

“You were faking yesterday, weren’t you.” Bucky doesn’t phrase it as a question as he marches into the gym.

“Not entirely. I hate being touched when I’m upset, and I was nauseous.” Natasha sits in the corner now, guzzling water. As Bucky walks towards the mats, she follows.

“Why fake it?” He asks as they begin to circle each other.

“I’m a mess when I’m upset. I wanted to let you feel like you were helping.” She jabs at his side and he dodges.

“I don’t need to feel like I’m helping, Nat. I want to actually make sure you’re okay.” He grabs the wrist that almost hit his face and yanks her closer, pulling her into a headlock. He kisses the top of her head before she slides out of his arms and pulls him onto the floor. He turns into a somersault and lands easily on his feet.

“I know. But I can’t let you see me like that. I’m a wreck.” She kicks high, hitting him in the chest, and he gasps for breath.

“And then what? You beat the shit out of something and you’re okay? Not healthy, Nat.” He manages to land a punch on her jaw, and she stumbles backwards, dazed. He can barely hear her whisper their safeword as she doubles over.

“You still nauseous, darling?” He’s by her side in an instant, pulling her into his chest for support. She coughs heavily and shakes, arms coming around her stomach in pain.

“Come on, Nat. You shouldn’t be sparring right now- I’m sorry I caused this. Let’s get you upstairs, okay?” She nods and forces herself upright, walking slowly towards the elevators on the other side of the room.

\--

Bucky sighs heavily as he crawls into bed with Natasha. She didn’t throw up, just heaved up nothing and then collapsed into bed in her workout clothes. Bucky didn’t have the energy to try and get her to change. He simply pulls her closer, pressing her back against his stomach, and wraps his arms around her middle.

It’s about an hour later when Clint crawls into bed, lying on the other side of Natasha. He lightly kisses Bucky on the lips in greeting and then turns his attention to the finally-sleeping redhead.

“We talked a bit. Said she didn’t want us to see her when she was a mess. Then she almost threw up.” Bucky yawns through the fragments and rests his forehead against Natasha’s shoulder.

\--

Clint is awakened by the sound of crying next to him. His eyes open quickly as he gathers Natasha into his chest, instantly pressing kisses into her hair. “Hey, hey, hey. I’m right here.” He repeats quietly as Bucky’s eyes open.

“Natasha? I’m behind you, okay?” Bucky moves closer to the SHIELD agents. “Can you tell me what’s going on?” She shrugs.

“Usual.” She mumbles into Clint’s chest, and he presses another kiss behind her ear.

“We’re right here, Natasha. You’re in Avengers Tower, with Bucky and Clint. It’s 2015. Steve is just downstairs, working on a painting. Nick Fury is above us, probably sleeping. Tony is in the workshop with Bruce…”

\--

Three days later, Bucky cuts the chocolate cake that Steve and Thor made, and Natasha eats a slice on the couch, Steve’s arm slung around her shoulder as they watch History Channel.

A week later, Natasha finally finishes reading through all of the notes left by her team, and she places them in her first dresser drawer.

A month later, Natasha curls up on the couch with Bucky, Steve, and Clint, the rest of her team scattered about her apartment. Bruce brings her a steaming mug of hot chocolate, and Tony looks up at her from the floor with a smile.

“As requested by Natasha- which definitely does not mean she threatened to hack into my suits unless I let her choose the movie- we’re watching The Princess Bride.

Natasha smiles, and as the opening credits roll, she stretches herself across the couch to put her head on Steve’s lap.

She is fast asleep after fifteen minutes.

**Author's Note:**

> Bruce's smart putty: http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/5ac8/


End file.
